Gettin' dumped.

No, don't worry! I have not been dumped! But, I was just sitting here watching "Tool Academy" (because that's how I roll) and I started thinking about the worst ways to get dumped. If anyone out there doesn't know what "Tool Academy" is:

1. I pity you. It is amazing.
2. It is a show about people who are dating absolutely disgusting jerks who cheat on them regularly, fake tan too much, and flex their muscles 24/7. These people bring their toolish boyfriends on the show in hopes of changing them and saving their relationship. There's a therapist and ridiculous challenges and one tool is eliminated every week.

Anyways, THREE TIMES this season (I think) the tool has actually dumped the girlfriend! These poor girls- or maybe I should say stupid girls- have put up with these morons who go around claiming to be single, cheating all the time, and caring more about their hair gel than anything else. Instead of dumping their asses like they should have done years ago, the girlfriends actually give them chance upon chance and continue to love them. And then the tools turn around and dump THEM!? On national television?? How horribly humiliating.

Then, I started to realize that I have been dumped the best way EVER in the history of breakups. I mean- looking back, I'm not even embarassed- it cracks me up. First off, it wasn't a real relationship in any sense of the word. It was 7th grade and I was madly in love with Kevin, a super-cute, skinny kid who sat behind me in math class. We were friends and we'd hung out before, and finally I decided to ask him out. Yes, I was truly a girl of the 90's. So I asked him out (probably in note form- I don't remember), he said yes, and so we were boyfriend and girlfriend. What did that mean? Well, nothing. I don't think we ever actually went out alone or even touched. It was 7th grade!

But about a week later, in the middle of math class, Kevin hands me his calculator. It was one of those TI-83 fancy shmancy graphing calculators that you could write words on. One of thse dealies:

And written in tiny calculator letters across the screen, it says:

I DON'T THINK THIS IS WORKING OUT.

I remember laughing because I didn't know what he was talking about at first. Then I remember my tiny 7th grade heart shattering into pieces. So what did I do? I typed "OK" into the calculator and handed it back.

So yeah, I was dumped ON A CALCULATOR.

Pretty awesome, huh? I can't really think of a better way to get dumped than on a calculator. It's just the most absurd thing ever. It would be like going out to eat with someone and writing in ketchup on your plate: "It's not you- it's me." Just ridiculous.

Someone out there must have a better breakup story than me, though. I want to hear them all! Spill your guts!