health club. She wasn't going to use it (I know- crazy, right?) so she decided to give it to me. I had never gotten a professional massage before, so I was excited, but also a little nervous.When the day came, I showed up at the club, changed into my robe, and was eagerly awaited my masseuse. She ended up being a very nice lady and the massage started off like any other. She played some soothing, new-age music, put a cloth over my eyes so I could relax...it was all good. It was a full-body massage, so she massaged my arms, my legs, my head, and my neck. It was fantastic.
For the second half of my massage, I was laying on my stomach so she could massage my back. Once again, this was lovely and felt great. When I could feel the massage coming to an end and there was about a minute left, my masseuse suddenly shifted the towel that was covering me so it was wedged between my butt cheeks. Then, before I knew it, she started POUNDING ON MY BUTT CHEEKS WITH HER FISTS. She went to town on them. I felt like a human bongo drum!
I was so shocked that I couldn't move. Good thing my face was in the massage table pillow, because my eyes bugged out of my head and I started laughing hysterically! She continued doing this for about thirty seconds, then stopped. Then my massage was over.
"Okay," she said. "Just stay there and relax, take some deep breaths, and when you're ready, you can get up." As if what had just happened was perfectly normal. I kind of awkwardly got up after a minute or two and hobbled out of there with a frightened look on my face.
I was so shocked that I couldn't move. Good thing my face was in the massage table pillow, because my eyes bugged out of my head and I started laughing hysterically! She continued doing this for about thirty seconds, then stopped. Then my massage was over."Okay," she said. "Just stay there and relax, take some deep breaths, and when you're ready, you can get up." As if what had just happened was perfectly normal. I kind of awkwardly got up after a minute or two and hobbled out of there with a frightened look on my face.
When I got home, I started to think about it more. I'm sure it's some time-honored massage technique for the glutes (or something like that), but why would you make it the very last thing that you do? Is it the grand finale of the massage? Does she simply enjoy leaving people with a sense of shock and horror, rather than a sense of calm? Does she do this to everyone, or does she have to "feel out" the person beforehand to make sure they won't freak out? And if it is a normal massage technique, how come nobody who I talk to has ever had that happen to them? Did she have thirty seconds left and just made something up to fill the time? Was she just messing with me?
Frankly, it was one of the funniest (and insane) things I have ever experienced. I look back on it now and just laugh...and wonder why.
Has this ever happened to you? Have you gotten the butt-pounding treatment, as well? Please tell me I'm not alone!!
27 comments:
Never had a massage before, but that actually sounds like it feels really good!
Except for the part where she wedges the towel between your cheeks.
visiting from SITS. i've only had 2 massages before in my entire life but neither resulted in a butt pounding of any sort. now i'm wondering if i was short-changed on my massages?? is that a standard part of the routine? if so, i want some of my money back (it's a massage, so 30 seconds of a refund outta net me about $10).
Hahahaha...that is fucking awesome...I never got the butt pound in the massages I got, but I'm sure that's because I'm a man, and the female masseuses probably don't want to give the impression that they are being "flirty' by bongo-drumming on a man's ass...hell, they are scared enough watching how far their hands go up your thigh out of fear of accidently touching a dangly man-part...consider yourself lucky, butt queen!
Nah! They always do the butt cheeks. Depending on where they are from they may or may not cover you for it at all. When I was in Puerto Rico I was not even offered a paper thong to cover with. That was a little different, but whatever.
I thought you were going to say she tried to give you a happy ending! LOL
I'm still laughing at the title to this entry... :)
I think this might be how its supposed to be done... I think maybe your masseuse might of been envious of your backside and punishing ya.
nope. never had my butt beaten like that. that's some crazy shit.
bottoms up!
I can honestly say I've never had a butt-pounding! I have had a few massages, and a couple where they've *massaged* my derrière, but I've never been pounded on.. even in Asia! hahaha. And I've never had it be the grand finale either!
That is just the craziest thing ever! I'm completely cracking up at you!
Well, for the finale boys usually get happy endings, I suppose for us it's a nice round of grab-ass instead. That's fair right? Bahahah.
PS: Dear, thanks for stopping in my blog so much. I pretty much love you now. Ha.
I love the butt massage lol! I've had many professional massages because I actually broke my back in college but yeah, I love that part. The first time it definitely took me by surprise and I also laughed hysterically.
I had a massage once and there was definitely no butt cheek action! I like the theory that she was messing with your head. It worked, didn't it?
I can just imagine the look on your face...lol...nope never had THIS happen to me fortunately or I would be scarred for life!
Ok, seriously, weird that my mom never uses her massage gift certificates either and always gives them to me!!!
Ummm... I have had the butt pounding massage... but certainly NEVER at the end! I would have been like "NOOOOOOO lady you can't end like that, this is unacceptable!" haha
PS- totally joined "Kathy Santoni is a slut" on FB! Died laughing for about an hour reading the wall posts on there! Ridiculous!
Stopping by from SITS! I've had two prof massages but I can never remember having a butt-pounding! LOL!
Oh my gosh. That is SO funny. I don't think that has ever happened to me before! That would totally freak me out too :) And so funny how she told you to relax when she was all done! That would put me ins uper anti relax mode : )
Oh, my! How funny. Love the title. I've never had a butt pounding at the spa :-)
Mary
Hahahahah! Totally was the drum solo climax. I can't say I've ever been punched repeatedly on the arse... I have had the soles of my feet slapped and punched - that was weird!
Just discovered your blog! Very cute! Some crazy stuff can go down during massages that are supposed to be relaxing, but end up being stressfull! This was too funny!
I would love to say that was normal but um, no. I have a membership at massage envy and have never received a butt pounding. Perhaps she was having a really bad and decided to beat it out on you :)
I have had two professional full body massages and neither included a "butt pounding." I don't know whether to be upset, or offended, or incredibly thankful. I think I'll go with thankful!
HI, there is an award and tag for you over at my site!
Oh my...I am laughing so hard right now! I have had massages before and neither of them involved "butt pounding" LOL. I'm not sure what I would have done if they had though, I probably would have been thinking "wth" but I wouldn't have said anything.
By the way, found your blog via SITS :D
I've never had the but pounding -- but I have had my glutes massaged several times. It apparently helps lower back pain.
But the pounding? Weird!
I'd be too worried that all that pounding would make me break wind in front of her and then I would have to kill myself through shame.
Even more so if it wasn't an old lady doing it but some really hot lady who, whilst pounding out some crazy Latin rhythms on my arse, suddenly got accompanied by the brass section.
Hope your well matey? Been awhile?
No pounding of the buttocks here - at least not by a masseuse - that one guy was an accountant. Butt seriously, except for like, two people, it looks like you're on your own on this one. Maybe she just liked your arse and had to smack it! Or maybe you were a bad girl. Heh heh. The towel between the butt cheeks is a little strange. What purpose would that serve? So the cheeks don't slap against each other during the beating? At least she was thoughtful!
So... where is this place again?
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