4 Reasons Why 80's Rocker Dudes are More Woman Than You

1. They have bigger hair than you.
Even with 5 cans of hairspray, you could never get your hair to do what they made it do. I mean, SERIOUSLY! Look at the blonde guy! That is the most amazingly awesome hair I have ever seen. And the guy to the left of him is actually drowning in his own hair- you can barely see his face at all. In the 80's, bigger equalled better, and by that definition, their hair is MUCH better than yours.

2. They wear tighter pants than you.

While you were at home, on your bed, trying to wriggle into your skinny jeans, they were effortlessly leaping into spandex jumpsuits and leather pants. I mean, look at David Lee Roth's bumblebee-colored leggings! Absolutely amazing...even though he kind of looks like the guy from "Silence of the Lambs" in this photo... Need another example? David Bowie in "Labyrinth." Enough said.

3. They wear more makeup than you.
Look at those glossy lips, those well-defined cheekbones, and those perfectly-lined eyes. One of 'em even pencilled in a mole on his cheek. How very Cindy Crawford. You could never achieve this level of airbrushed makeupery (yes, that's now a word). It seems that they even know the Olsen Twins' patented pout method: saying "prune" when the camera snaps.

4. They hit higher notes than you.
I'm gonna have to use David Lee Roth again. Listen to ANY Van Halen Song (with the exception of Van Hagar songs, obviously) and you will hear him hitting higher notes than Mariah Carey. He is the king of the scream. Maybe it's the tight pants that give him the high note superpowers that he has. But it's not just David Lee Roth. Listen to Vince Neil singing in Motley Crue- these 80's men were just higher-pitched in general!

Now that I've left you feeling inadequately feminine, I will leave you with a video that epitomizes all that I have just argued. So sit back, grab your lighter, and enjoy: