This past week, I went to Summerfest, a huge outdoor music festival, in Milwaukee. While I was there, I encountered all different kinds of people. And let me emphasize the "different" in that statement. Places like that are great for people-watching, and boy did I do my share. I realized a lot about myself during that festival. I especially learned exactly who I DON'T want to be when I get older. Let's take a look at these lovely ladies:
#1: The mullet-headed woman in "mom jeans" who thinks she's hot stuff.
Unfortunately, there were more than just one of these ladies at the Tom Petty and ZZ Top concert I went to see. I'm sure you know these ladies. They're in their 40's, but they still think they're sexy co-eds. They're standing on the bleachers and shaking their asses in their mom jeans. They're...well, I'll let you watch for yourselves:
#2: The over-tanned woman on the back of her man's Harley.
This woman was probably super-hot in 1987. She's got the bleached blonde crimped hair, the leathery skin, the shirt with slits all down the back, and the biker dude to match. Little does she know that she's dating a douche, she looks like a handbag, and she's about 20 years behind the times. Think Beth from "Dog The Bounty Hunter" but skinnier and not as nice.
#3. The woman who dances like she's on hallucinogens.
This woman is a hippie at heart. She doesn't like shoes, she wears a lot of scarves, and she likes to sway her arms in the air while her eyes are closed. She "feels" the music traveling through her body. In other words, she's nuts.
#4. The pregnant woman smoking pot.
'Nuff said.
There were many more women that I could have done without, including the drunk woman screaming at her husband, the woman who stuck her butt in our face when we were sitting on the lawn, and the oversized woman wearing tiny shorts and cowboy boots, but I can save them for a later date. For now, please promise me that if you know me in 20 years and I have become one of these women, you will either alert me immediately or just put me out of my misery. Your choice.
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10 comments:
I will be there for you. To put you out of your misery. I'm a great friend like that!!
OMG! What a great video!!!
And I concur. If I become one of any of those women afore mentioned, don't even bother telling me. Just put me out of my misery as well.
:-)
Can't wait for the next installment of "Who NOT to be. Ever."
You forgot about the woman with the overly frizzy permed hair wearing a fanny pack. She is the one who always scares me the most!
You would HATE Grateful Dead concerts circa 1985. If you had a time machine, I don't know why you would go to a 1985 Dead show, but hey it's your time machine...
That video is hilarious!!!... I will for sure let you know if you turn into any of these ladies and reach all the way over to Illinois and back hand you from California.
Hey - how'd you get me on video?? In defense of the 40++ women who drink too much then wiggle their butts and flail their arms while standing on bleachers - please be kind to us. We're just trying to have a little fun in our old age. But I do draw the line at short shorts and cowboy boots if you weight over 110 pds.
Oh, man, do I miss me some Summerfest. I haven't made it there in a few years. It's always a good time. Like once, I got root beer thrown at me. Root beer? Yes. I was sticky for the rest of the day. Not cool.
In 20 years, if YOU are doing that, then I know I will be too, in which case, we won't recognize the atrocities we're both committing.
Somehow, I suspect you are going to be one of the handful of women that just get better and better and even more beautiful as the years go on..
This is so great! I just went to a water park today and I was saying pretty much the same thing! Except I added in the 200 lb woman in a string bikini. Good Lord!
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